just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
