Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
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there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
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I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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