why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
