Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
