I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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