So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
