Im at strip club and am horny
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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