after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
