I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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