I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
