and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
