so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
