What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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