Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
