it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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