Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.