these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.