Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.