I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
