I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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