I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
