Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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