I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
