FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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