Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
