just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
