you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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