i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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