some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
