Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
