South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
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Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize