all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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