The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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