she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
