Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
