if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dear god my vagina.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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