Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
