I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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