I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
