Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
wow bdsm is so cute
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
