A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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