i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
