GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
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i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
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Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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