now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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