Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
