I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
