He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I look better un-naked...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
