her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Found the puke drawer
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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