I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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