There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
