I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
