Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
