I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I smell stomach acid.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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