so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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