Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You took a bar mat shot.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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