i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
