My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
