Ketchup is God's man juice
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
