Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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