i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
