I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I touched a dick in church today
there is puke in my bra ... again
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
