u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
