my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
even my farts smell like vagina
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
