Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
